Jade Warriors Panel Redraw and Rescript

Eliza submitted:

"What really bothered me about the original image was that that pose really is possible, if she’d just moved her legs a bit to the side and the anatomy not been quite so… round.

But more than that, as a writer what I see is an info dump, and some generic sexy pose to make it worthwhile to the audience. And that’s just lousy storytelling."

This is a really excellent redraw, not just because it fixed the optical illusion effect that the drawing/coloring did to make it look like she was bisected, but it makes the scene so simple and relatable.  She’s thinking in a way we understand “fuck, I’m gonna get my friend killed.” rather than turning on the verbosity and talking about how females hurt men and etc…

Or as my friend zhinxy put it about that scene: How do I tell Bob that the Yakuza space dragons activated my internal verbosity?

Back to your redraw: her face, expression and everything are also excellent, it really sells she’s depressed and concerned about the whole deal.  The panel is still sexy, but everything about it is conveying the story and the scene to us while being sexy.