thedreadvampy: So I know the ship may

thedreadvampy submitted:

So I know the ship may have sailed on the Darkchylde panel but HAVE MY TWO CENTS ANYWAY

Other than the wtf anatomy and the derpy expression, the thing that really bugged me about this image was how narratively charged it wasn’t. She’s clearly supposed to be sitting up in bed, shocked by a nightmare, but that’s not what her pose says. There’s no movement to it, it’s just a model sitting in bed thrusting her boobs out. I actually acted out the scene to figure out the pose, so I know without doubt that if I was jerked awake from a nightmare I’d be flinging myself forwards, gasping and sweating and not pouting and posing. Also, anatomy. So that’s the first panel.

Only it’s still kinda bad storytelling because it doesn’t match the dialogue. So the second panel is more how I would have done it; I drew her in the moments after she wakes up, more bleary and frustrated and freaked out than actively scared. Also I tried to make creeper!dad look less creepy but I think that didn’t work out…

Wow.  I love it!  I’m amused by how gigantic you made that clock too.  I think it’s really cool you did two redraws, one with your “fix” on the same reaction and pose (waking up shocked) and the other with how you’d construct the panel to make the dialogue make sense.