Anonymous asked you: You’re right on

You’re right on the mark with Feminist Frequency, but I think there’s some problems with Felicia Day that Perez’s meltdown accidentally brings up. As a guy, Felicia Day feels like she’s “nerd bait”. She’s cute enough that a nerd won’t have a meltdown over her looks, and she does just enough video gamey things for nerds to think “oh man she’s one of us she’d totally dig my maxed out Skyrim gear that I’ve calculated myself and she’ll totally want to bang me!”.

(This message said it was to be continued, but it’s been over half an hour since I checked my inbox and found it and still nothing, and I have to do other things, so I’ll respond now, since I’m pretty sure I got what he’s saying.)

Honestly, that seems more like you have a problem with how guys view her than a problem with her, and you’re somehow blaming her.

See, you’ve just fallen right into the trap of the guy who made those tweets, and of the attitude I was talking about.  You’re assuming a lot about her and because of how YOU feel about her looks and appearance, you’re assuming she must feel the same way about herself and be going “man, I’m hot enough to get attention if I just indulge in a little video gaming because I’d be the big fish in a small pond of lonely guys!” I’VE gotten that assumption about me too, and I know other girl gamers who have as well.  It’s really problematic.

I’m sure that some women might think that way, since all sorts of people exist, but often, it’s just a projection and assumption based on how you perceive a woman, and based on you finding a woman attractive.  You’re assuming that because you see in a certain way, she’s doing it on purpose and that’s how she sees herself.

Also, even if it were true, what’s the big deal?  People like things for all sorts of reasons, and they’re involved in communities for all sorts of reasons.  As long as they aren’t harming anybody, why worry whether people are playing video games for the “right” reasons?  If they’re contributing to the community in a positive manner, who cares what their secret plan inside is?

I think there is something to be examined about WHY some female geeks get more attention and more of a following than others, and the way thinness, whiteness, conventional standards of beauty, femmeness, etc intersect.  But that’s about the community attitudes, how hetero men are viewing female gamers, and privilege dynamics in society and in geek spaces, it’s not about the individual person.

And, bottom line, I still find it problematic to try to mind-read women in gaming and go “aha, guys like you, therefore you’re trying to make them like you to get attention!"  And none of that means it’s okay to harass a person, or mock them.